Young With the Soul of an Old Man

With Mardi Gras coming up, I found this unpublished blog about Mardi Gras. I will not edit it, for fear of tainting it with updates, lol. Wow, I was 24 when I wrote this? Funny…how…time…flies…

-B

I know there are people who are and there are people who have not experienced the mania that is Mardi Gras. I’ve been around this annual phenomenon for 24 years now, and I have felt every way about Mardi Gras that the human brain can feel about it. However, for the out-of-towners who regularly tune in to my blog, I have compiled a list of the top 10 things you should know about Mardi Gras.

1. Mardi Gras after hours is NOT for children!!: You wouldn’t think I would have to make this clear, but I can’t STAND seeing little children prancing around Canal St. at Juvember o’clock around a bunch of perverse, drinking, smoking, and cursing adults. Leave your children supervised at the hotel at night or just stay in that night. More harm can come to them that good, trust me.

    

2. Beware of the bootleggers: Okay, so you see a bootlegger peddling a copy of Daddy’s Little Girls a little under a WEEK since it’s been out. GOTTA get it!! Buyer, beware! I’ve heard of some shifty bootleggers who will sell you a bum product, leaving you pissed and out of a couple dollars. Then again, the unauthorized selling of copyrighted material is illegal anyway, so I guess you win or lose with a gamble like that.
3. Find a store out of the French Quarter area and shop there: I don’t mean to bankrupt New Orleans’ economy, but the French Quarter is the biggest tourist trap known to man. Why people buy some of the crap they buy at the INFLATED prices they buy it at boggles my mind sometimes. If I’m paying $2.50 for a bottle of friggin’ bottled water, I better be sitting at a candlelit table with a date in a retaurant with Kenny G playing. You won’t believe how many stores are actually OPEN. Most of these hotels have wireless anyway. Get on it, find a store, go there, and save some money.
4. Get to the parades on time: I guess I’m back to assuming a particular level of common sense with this one, but I think I gotta say it again. Get to the parades and mark your spot EARLY! Make sure you know where the Port-O-Let’s are and how to maneuver back to your vehicle. I cannot say how frustrating it is to have people keep yelling excuse me, trying to bump me out of the way because they need to move. Damn that. GET WHERE YOU NEED TO GET TO! Everybody doesn’t like that, and some will get downright indignant with you. So, just know you’re taking a risk trying to bump your way through a crowd of people around that time (this rule gets more and more serious the closer you are to the front).
5. For the love of all that is sacred, DON’T throw beads at the floats!: Forget what you heard, that crap ain’t cool! I don’t care if everybody is doing it, you can not only cause harm to the riders, but also to other parade-goers. I remember a FEW misguided throws that hit some fathers in the head. The ending to those wasn’t pretty. In addition, some of those riders are very armed to the teeth with beaded projectiles. I’ve seen riders huck handfuls of beads at parade-goers with the intent to hurt them. Watch that!
6. Don’t let the bands b-tch you out!: Yea, the bands in the parades need room to march, yes, you should get off the street ad give them space, but NO, they, nor their chaperones should be threatening people with “move or you get hurt”. If you are wondering about having a course of retaliation, follow this advice I found on a Mardi Gras message board.
   1. Contact the school, especially the principal & most importantly the band director.
   2. Contact the parade captain, can be found on line. Believe you me, there is a fierce competition between schools to march in parades. Major, major $$$ are spent on bands plus an additional chunk goes to the band directors. If a band director knows they may not be asked back because of some jerk, action will definitely be taken.
   3. Take the time & call the school.